Mushrooms. as dangerous as they are delicious. Like chicks.

ZELLWOOD, Fla. (AP) — A man has died after being crushed by pallets of mushrooms at a plant in central Florida.

The Orlando Sentinel reports ( Orange County sheriff’s spokeswoman Rose Silva says 45-year-old Bruce Edward Stephenson Jr. of Tavares was moving the pallets Monday with a forklift at the Monterey Mushrooms Inc. plant in Zellwood when the pallets began swaying.

Silva says Stephenson jumped off the forklift, but the pallets fell on him before he could get away.

He was taken to a hospital, where he died.

Information from: Orlando Sentinel,

Ok.  Two things right off the bat.  

First.  Notice this happened in Orlando.  There’s a link to the Orlando Sentinel.  I would bet you could just open that web site and see all kinds of crazy shit.  Because it’s Florida.  It might not be flesh-eating bath-salt homeless men in Miami or any of the jacked up happenings in Tampa/St.Pete which is apparently the epicenter of bat-shit crazy, but c’mon Orlando?  Where meth meets Disney meets old people meets tourists meets alligators.  Ok, I’m not totally sure about the alligators but I bet they’re there.

Second.  Mushrooms can kill you this way too?  What can’t mushrooms do?  They can poison you all kinds of ways.  They can add just a little bit of texture to your salad or pizza.  Or they can turn that lame ass concert you went to with your girlfriend into an effen full blown wheels off event!!! And now apparently they can crush you like the insignificant mammal you are.  Bow down to the new fungal overlords.  Bow down! 

UPDATE: There ARE alligators in Orlando.

And unlike mushrooms they just eat you.  Can’t lick ’em like toads and get your freak on.  (If you can please let us know. With pics.)

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterEmail this to someone

Leave a Reply